Quote 02
“We adore ourselves, even in our own self-loathing, which is an ability unique to us among all creatures. We relish our power to subdue, to arrange, calculate, store up and tear down. But perhaps the most distinctive trait we possess is our ability to blame. Human history reads like a very long petition for divorce that is never adjudicated, is only ever endlessly litigated.
We don’t listen. We just scream and scream and cling to people whose screaming sounds like ours, like tumor cells binding together, stupidly killing the host. We metastasize every time we breathe.”
My Life’s Soundtrack
These are the songs that have shaped and inspired me (Chris). I’m adding to this list all the time.
LINK — The Weigh of Shame
The Weight of Shame — by Chris
I don’t have any memories of feeling ashamed prior to giving my life to Jesus at age nine. From that moment on, there have been three primary ways this shame has manifested in my life: feeling ashamed about sex and my sexuality, feeling ashamed about what I perceived to be my laziness in not working hard in a traditionally masculine, grinding, and hustling way, and feeling ashamed about my food intake and my body image. Today I want to talk about the latter.
LINK — Psychedelic Purge
Psychedelic Purge — by Chris
In 2018 I began experiencing a severe form of agoraphobia, which is the fear of losing control typically felt in vast, open spaces or large public places. This manifested for me particularly while driving. The first time this happened was when I was driving to a conference in New Mexico from our home in California.
LINK — Freedom to Explore
Freedom to Explore — by Chris
Spirituality has been a driving force throughout my entire life. By high school, this became complicated for me. There was very little spirituality in my home that resonated with me.
LINK — Patriarchy & Powerlessness (Part 2)
Patriarchy & Powerlessness (Part 2) — by Chris
First Steps on my Journey of Healing and Self-Discovery
I’ve never been a bro… one of the guys to just hang out with. Sports have always bored me, and I'm not one for idle chitchat. Instead, my interests have always lain in intellectual and philosophical discussions, infused with a depth of emotion and passion. During my years as a Christian, this meant countless hours spent exploring theology and philosophy, eager to share my ideas with anyone willing to listen. It took me almost half a century to realize that not everyone shared my enthusiasm 😂.
LINK — Patriarchy & Powerlessness (Part 1)
Patriarchy & Powerlessness (Part 1) — by Chris
Rebellion & Shame
From a very young age, I sensed that my dad was different from the fathers of my friends. The word that comes to mind is "sensitive." I never saw this as softness or weakness. Much later, I learned about the violence in his own upbringing and how profoundly it had affected him. He despised all forms of violence, from war to contact sports. He was also the most opinionated person I have ever known. While he didn’t have an opinion on everything, when he did, he made it abundantly clear. If he was indifferent to a subject, he could be incredibly aloof. Depending on the topic…
LINK — The Open Door
From a young age, I've been on a quest for meaning. Rules, logic, and details never captured my interest unless they served as tools in my search for purpose. Guided by my philosophically driven mind, which I attribute to my Libra sun and Virgo moon, I have always been more intrigued by the question of "why" than "how."
The Open Door — by Chris
From a young age, I've been on a quest for meaning. Rules, logic, and details never captured my interest unless they served as tools in my search for purpose. Guided by my philosophically driven mind, which I attribute to my Libra sun and Virgo moon, I have always been more intrigued by the question of "why" than "how."
